los estados unidos...

As I signed in to my blog this morning for the first time since I have been back in the States, I couldn't put my finger on what was weird about it... and then I noticed. My blog page was no longer in Spanish. In the Dominican all web pages are in Spanish and I had grown quite used to that. These little things remind me of how much I miss that little island that will always hold a piece of my heart no matter where I am.

I came across a quote this morning that really hit me...
"When you feel disenfranchised (like you don't belong in the place that was once your home) it is no longer the world that matters, it is the kingdom that matters and when the kingdom is all that matters to you- you won't fit in."

I have loved being able to see people who are such a huge part of my life these past couple of weeks. I have been able to spend time with family and friends who know my heart and that has been amazing. I have missed being able to share in every day life with my sisters and it has been a huge blessing to spend time with them again. But I also couldn't help but feel overwhelmed that the United States is no longer my home. So much of me feels disconnected from this place. My life is so different now than when I lived here. I sometimes feel myself lost in a distant world where I am back with the kids in the Dominican when people are talking about T.V. shows, the latest movies, or going shopping to find new winter clothes (it's still in the 90s in the Dominican!). It's not that I'm mad or bitter or hate being in the States (I've really loved my time here), I just find myself so disconnected from life here. I haven't listened to American radio in almost 6 months... and while I could tell you the latest Spanish songs and know all the words to Enrique Iglesius' song "Dimelo," I have no idea any of the words to the songs of Miley Cyrus or pop radio or even new English worship songs. So like I said, it doesn't make me mad or even sad, it just reminds me that my home is longer here. My home right now is a little island just south of Cuba... where the people speak Spanish and sit outside all day long and live off little dirt roads and eat rice and beans for every meal every day and will talk to you any time of any day and invite you into their homes and share what they have with you and let you hold their babies even if they haven't ever spoken a word to you and smile at you from their hearts.

And then I came across that quote. And I was reminded that no matter when or how often my physical home changes, I don't want to ever feel like I fit in where I'm at. I don't fit in because I was created for a kingdom that is not of this world. And so while I am here, I pray I am always living kingdom-minded. That the Spirit overflows through me and that I am bringing the kingdom of God to this earth no matter where I am living. Because I have a feeling that my earthly home is going to be changing a lot more than I can even imagine. So I continue to learn lessons of grounding my home in the kingdom instead of my physical location. Oh the beauty of letting the Lord direct our paths. His plans are far better than any I could conceive.

So I pray for all of us that our physical homes don't define us. But that the kingdom is all that matters.

Changes make you reevaluate and think. One more reason why I love 'em :)

2 days :)

I'm gonna miss teaching English to these girls that I love sooo much :)

I'm gonna miss screaming the songs for the Excellent Eskimos, Fabulous Frogs, Wacky Wallabees, and Fantastic Flamingos.

I'm gonna miss this little girl who stole my heart two and half years ago.

I'm gonna miss Ariani screaming, "Hedder, ayuda me! ...suba me!"

I'm gonna miss Coral's attitude, Ariani's hugs, Ari's adventurous spirit, and Paola's smirky smile.

I'm gonna miss driving into this entrance of the orphanage that has become my home.

...But the AMAZING thing is, I get to come back! AND, I can't freaking wait to see everyone back in the States... seriously, I wake up every morning and can't believe that I get the blessing of flying back to Kentucky in 2 days! God is good and I couldn't be more ecstatic! I love you all and am excited about seeing some of you in a few days :)

change

I have grown to love change. While I see some changes as good and some as bad, I have come to see all changes as beautiful part of God's purposes. It seems to me that God created everything to be in some sort of process of changing. People grow. Leaves fall. Seasons change. The sky is different everytime you look at it. Flowers grow. People move. School ends. Souls are renewed. Hearts are changed.

Last night I was laying on the roof and watching the stars. Half of the sky was star-filled and the other half was a mixture of the moon's bright light and clouds. But the sky changed. The clouds moved. There was incredible lightening. I saw a few shooting stars. I kept thinking about how God really does create everything to be in a process of changes. Our hearts weren't created to be stagnant. They were created with life and purpose and longings and desires for our Lover. We aren't meant to simply go through each day just trying to get through it... we are meant to live intentionally and to change... to become more like Jesus and less like ourselves. To fall more in love with our Father every day. And to bring the Kingdom of God to earth.

The past six months have held more changes for me than I could have imagined. I graduated, left home, moved to a foreign country, led a Christian internship program, loved on some awesome boys at an orphanage in Jaibon, moved to Monte Cristi, started teaching at the English Institute, and started a literacy program. I have experienced life in an intense spiritual community and I have experienced it without one. I have struggled, wrestled, and thirsted for the Lord. I have been taught lessons about love and grace and selflessness and mercy. And I have fallen in love with Jesus all over again.

And all of these life and spiritual changes, have resulted in part from the changes in my physical surroundings. If I had played it safe and chosen the easier road, I would not have learned the lessons I have. I would not have learned to trust God with my whole heart. And my faith would not be as deep and real as it is now.

All that to say, change is good. Change is beautiful. And I think, God's plans for us all include more changes than we can even imagine.

We just have to keep our focus at the cross.

new life...

Sometime last year, I got an awesome package from one of my sisters (shout out to you, Katie girl!). Inside, was this flower...

Ever since then, this flower always reminds me of God's promises of new life.... of His promises of rebirth and forgiveness... of His promises to restore His people, bringing the beauty of what He intended life to be. So even now, this precious reminder is twisted around the pole of my good ole' wooden bunkbed. And it reminds me of my soul... once dead, but now made so alive in Christ. God is so faithful and reminds me daily of His love and mercy and compassion and grace, both for me and for the world. I am still so humbled to be here... my eyes are constantly receiving glimpses of God's heart for His children, His heart for the nations, His heart for every person to know Him. And as I held Joanni tonight while she fell asleep, I just kept thinking that I hope this sweet little 5-year old will be overwhelmed by God's love, and one day fall in love with her Maker... and I hope that one day she too will be reminded of new life and the Father's restoration.

So I really can't imagine being anywhere else right now. I love the Dominican so much! The people here are so precious to me! And God reminds me all the time of how divine and perfect His plans and purposes are for our lives.

"As he says in Hosea: 'I will call them my people who are not my people; and I will call her my loved one who is not my loved one.'" Romans 9:25

AND... it's October! And I will be home in less than 2 weeks for Sara's wedding! Can't wait :)