It's been months since I have posted on here and I hate that for so many reasons... but mostly because I love this little space so much and I truly enjoy filling it with words and pictures and beauty. But life right now feels like a constant juggle, hoping that I don't come up short on time and let it all fall. People sometimes ask me if I have gotten everything done for the day (in regards to school) and I often laugh. Because really, the list is never ending and I'm pretty confident I will never get it all done. I'm not saying this to complain, because I will also say that I absolutely LOVE every single thing that I am a part of here in San Pedro and I wouldn't give up any of it. Which is exactly why I often find myself running around from place to place and waking up at 3 in the morning to finish planning and grading papers... and practically never blogging. But those things that I am saying yes to are good, beautiful things and I wouldn't trade them for a less hectic lifestyle.
All that to say, I'm sitting here in McDonald's, freezing cold and drinking steaming hot coffee, thinking I should be grading papers, but knowing that my soul just needs to write. So I sit here, staring out the glass windows at the rain, eyes full of tears that don't fall. I'm not sure what's going to come out here, but I know I must write. And so I do. My heart is aching right now. Aching for the people who stole my heart in Monte Cristi and Jaibon. I'll never be able to explain it, but sometimes I think God just locks a people into those deep places in our hearts and we will never be the same again. I spent last weekend up north and coming back here just about shattered my heart into pieces. I can't stop thinking about them and I can't shake this deep longing to be closer.
Don't get me wrong, I also truly love it here and feel like I'm living out something I have only dreamed about for so long. Being a part of the women's lives often leaves me speechless at all that God is doing. And my students. Oh my students. I love them more every day even with their crazy middle school attitudes. But this Jaibon/Monte Crist love. It's just... deep. I can't explain it and I doubt I'll ever be able to. But I know it.
So I don't have any pretty way to wrap this all up, but I do ask that you would just pray. That seems like the only and best thing I can do for now. To wrap them up in prayers. That their hearts would be full and that they would feel fully loved and known by the Lord. That there would be restoration in their homes and in their hearts. That they would experience grace and know God more because of it. That the forgotten and lonely would know that their Father deeply loves them. That the hurting hearts would become whole in the presence of Jesus. That Kingdom would invade that place and that they would understand that religion and rules are not the heart of God. That they would know that they are loved, fully and unconditionally, by the One who formed them into existence. Oh please pray...
That's all I've got and that's my heart. So from this crazy little city in the Dominican Republic to wherever you are reading these words, all my love and hopes that you are resting in the love and astounding grace of the One who calls you His beloved.
{Jochi}
de lo mio.
{Jacqueline}
The woman who has taught me what it means to have an open home and an open heart. Always.
**written from a booth in McDonald's a few days ago :)
